I'm going to be honest, never did I ever think I would be writing here on this blog ever again. As much as I love writing and blogging, I thought that chapter of my life was over for good. There were too many negative memories and the "blog world" has just changed so much since I first began this whole online journaling thing over ten years ago. I didn't think there was room for me in the midst of people turning their blogs into businesses and my flat out blatant, honest opinions. When I stopped consistently blogging in June, I was personally disgusted with the posts I was producing and just cringed reading my own words. I felt myself becoming fake. I wrote what I thought other people wanted to read, and held back my true feelings so people close to me couldn't twist my words in my their own head and then hold them against me. What was supposed to be my space to write honestly and do what I had to do for myself to save my own sanity had become a space I just flat out hated and want nothing to do with anymore. And that just makes me sad to even write. But hey, its exactly what happened.
I told myself that if I came back to blogging, I would do it 100% on my own terms. And until recently, I wasn't in a place where I felt I could do that. I
didn't think I could knew I could not produce posts I would be proud of. The end of 2013 changed a lot of things for me, though. And while I'm not 100% pleased with where my life stands at the moment, I am honestly very content. I feel I have finally found who I am, who I want to be, and who I want surrounding me in my life. I don't have everything figured out but for once in my life, I am truly enjoying it. I do know who and what I don't want to be...does that count for anything?!
For the time being, I have all of my old posts reverted to drafts. I want to go through and delete a bunch. It may surprise people the posts I am planning on deleting versus the ones I am keeping. The seemingly innocent posts are out the window, and the posts that may (or may not) have burned bridges are staying. I stand by every honest word I have ever written in this space, and have never once regretted speaking what I see as the truth in this space of mine. I do, however, majorly regret trying to be someone I wasn't and producing a style of post just because everyone else did and I felt, for whatever reason, that I had to too.
A lot has changed in my life since I last blogged and there's a lot to fill you in on - for those of you who even remember me, that is! I really look forward to sharing my life with the internet, once again, and reconnect with some of the people I met through blogging who just "got" me and my life so perfectly. I have definitely missed that the most, during my little hiatus. Hopefully you look forward to reading what I have to put out there. I cant promise fun giveaways or a post that will make you LOL every day or anything like that, but I can promise heartfelt writing whenever I do post. I believe there is still plenty of room for people like me on Blogger and even if there isn't, well, I'm going to write anyways :)